Today I found an old Facebook post that my son wrote.
I found this to be very profound because I had just started to write a post about my son being a drag queen, and I didn’t realize that today is National coming out day!!!
Playing dress up in my mom’s closet was a very fun thing to do when I was a little girl. Girls often dreamed or imagined being Cinderella, Belle from Beauty and the Beast or even the wicked witch from The Wizard of Oz. In my family, that wasn’t only the norm for my daughter Priva, but also my son Chase. He loved putting on my dresses, shoes and even jewelry. I will never forget when he dropped one of my diamond studs down the sink, and yes, he got in trouble.
Even at a young age, my son often confided in my husband and myself, because we were accepting, loving, nurturing and it was safe for him. There were incidences where Chase would have meltdowns because he felt like a girl trapped in a boy’s body. He would actually tell us these feelings. My husband and I were concerned about our son and how we were parenting. Where we doing the right things in raising him? If he feels like a girl inside, will he want a sex change? At the end of the day, we just want our child to be happy and healthy. We asked our friend who was a psychologist for her opinion. She suggested to take him to a gender identity specialist.
Gender Identity Specialist
We found a specialist in Canada and took our son Chase who at the time, was 10 years old. When we met with the doctor, he explained that our son would be going into a room with several different toys and there would be several psychologists watching him behind a one-way mirror. They would observe him and see what toys he gravitated to. There were also several discussions with Chase and observations as he drew pictures. While this was going on, we had a lengthy conversation with the psychologist and discussed everything about Chase. How he was at school, friends, and family. It was a full day for the three of us, but very comfortable and easy.
The following day, we went back for a final prognosis on our son. The doctor said, “Great news, you have a healthy, gay son”. Whew, I was relieved. What the doctor continued to say is that it would be much harder to have a child go through a sex change. Understandably, we would love our child no matter what decision is made, but we would always want an easier path for him.
Chases path from middle school to high school was pretty normal and sometimes challenging. We always encouraged him to try different activities and sports, he, of course, gravitated toward the arts; painting and drawing. I tried to get him into ballet but at the time, he was insecure being the only boy in the class. He now regrets it and wishes he would have done it. As a parent, I found very difficult instances. I lost a best friend due to her being extremely judgmental of Chase. She asked me if Chase’s voice bugged me? I couldn’t believe that she said this to me? He is my son you idiot, and that was the last I spoke with her. When Chase was in the 8th grade, we decided to move to San Diego and he went to a smaller private school. I’ll never forget when the head of the middle school called me to tell me that a student called Chase a faggot. The school was very good about handling the situation, making the student apologize to Chase. The interesting thing about these two disturbing instances is that they both had a big effect on me and my husband, but not on Chase. He doesn’t even remember them happening. He was comfortable in his own skin.
High School/Coming out
While Chase was in the eighth grade, we started to look into what high school he was going to go to. Chase wanted a high school that was geared toward the arts and more liberal. After searching for many schools, we found a wonderful boarding school, Idyllwild Arts. Although we were saddened to have him leave home earlier than a college-bound student, we were confident that he would be happy. We were right, it was one of the best decisions we have ever made. Chase was accepted to the school for his art and in his junior year, ended up changing his craft to musical theatre.
High school is a time for teens to grow and learn about themselves. Chase was able to express himself with zero judgment, in addition to making life-long relationships. Chase was not only doing great in his environment, but he was also able to express his sexuality at the time.
I remember when he came home for the weekend and my husband and I took him out for lunch. We told him we love him no matter what, or who he is and asked him if he was gay. He immediately responded that he was bi-sexual, and that was it, never discussed again.
Chase attended Columbia College in Chicago. He majored in Comedic Studies and Writing for Television. He loved living in Chicago as it has a big musical theatre community. After college, he attended the Second City Conservatory. He was performing in many shows and made his way into the drag scene. Chicago also has a pretty big drag community as well.
Chase decided to move to Los Angeles and pursue acting. He has gone through The Groundlings training and also Second City Los Angeles. He is currently working retail at Sandro Paris and is pursuing his interest in drag competitions and shows. He also is working on an art project that I feel could be something huge. Maybe you will see it soon.
I love my boy. No matter who or what he wants to be. He has grown up to be what he likes to be called a “Queer” man. He is a wonderful, sensitive, caring, loving, good person. I hope that if you have a child, adolescent, teen or adult in your life, that you will embrace, nurture and love them no matter who or what they are. We live in a world where transgender celebrities are relevant and the world seems more open and accepting. It is not a guarantee that he or she will be happy but you can make their lives a lot easier by not giving a shit what others think!!!